Zeitgeist, Interrupted.

I Made the Switch to Tumblr!

2010-05-26T23:07:00.002-04:00

http://jessiehtang.tumblr.com/

I will be updating there from now on. Blogspot, it's been a good run.

Unmellow Yellow X Art School Snobs (that I love) X Mindful Pollution

2010-05-18T03:28:00.001-04:00

Lauren Kimchi and I met up in downtown LA today. It was great to see her glowing self and I finally got to meet her bf, James. (I'm off record here, but I think they're wonderful for each other. I approve)

She invited me to a performance at REDCAT by Asian-American artist Kristina Wong. The piece was entitled Wong Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. She was extremely funny, and I seriously wish I could be her best friend. The underlying issue brought to light was the fact that Asian women have some of the highest rates of suicide and depression, and Wong spent the performance attempting to act as a martyr to resolve the problem. However, she herself ends up going crazy in this process of trying to represent the Asian-American female experience. The performance was multi-layered, an awareness piece, a parody of herself (and of the Asian American experience), an assemblage of "fictitious" accounts of depression that are at the end of the day very real issues. I think she did a really good job of entertaining, but at the same time I didn't connect as much with the piece as I hoped. Not that I expected to be bawling the entire time, but... something was lacking in order to make it feel genuine. She reiterated the fact that she didn't want people to think that the personas she portrayed were related to her personal experiences, but for those 1.5 hours, I kind of wish they were more real. Instead of detaching herself from it, I wish she could have embraced it more. But I think she made it a point not for her own work to be that of monologues, and more of a meta-piece. The performative aspect will inevitable place a degree of separation from the topic at hand. Also, I always feel slightly uncomfortable about the fact, that in order to create awareness on something, one must play into the stereotypes at the end of the day. Not that the stereotypes aren't true, but I shutter at the fact that it may have a reinforcing effect on perpetuating the stereotypes. In this case, I think Wong balanced it well. Her presence, as an Asian women and performer, was enough to prove that Asian women can be anything but what you except. It's always hot to see spicy Chinese women who are doing really awesome shit.

Afterward, we went to Little Tokyo for dinner and after getting lost for a bit, ended up at a gallery opening for some CalArts students. Everyone there was intimidatingly hip, but there beyond hipster. Just cool. The show was in an empty downtown studio, very intimate. My favorite piece was about periods. Perhaps I am biased to work dealing with women right now, but it was insanely funny and uncomfortable watching a girl talk about the cyclical and cosmic nature of periods while she had smothered her face in some blood. At one point, the period blood was spewing from her mouth. Just dripping.

All in all, it was a very chill day. But after seeing Wong's performance and going to the art show, it made me a little sad that I myself am never going to be an "artist." Many times today people would ask "are you an artist, too?" after Lauren introduced me, and if I had told them "Oh no, I'm a public policy student at Duke," I'm sure I would have gotten some blank stares. What am I to them, really? Probably a soulless individual who can't appreciate the conceptual and complex nature of aesthetic renderings. Clearly. No but really, I wish I could be one of them.

Also, I've decided to end every post from now on with a video or two. Or a photo or two. Or anything visual that I find worthy of posting. Because I like visual aids.

Here are two videos about pollution of the mind and death by television:

Television is a drug. from Beth Fulton on Vimeo.

Retro/Introspective

2010-05-17T02:51:00.004-04:00

(Note: I haven't blogged in a while, but plan on doing so regularly again starting at some predetermined time... to be determined).

I'm back home. It feels wonderful to breathe easy for a bit, to plan lunch dates and hang outs instead of club meetings and study sessions in the library.

This past semester was... too many things. I hated it at times, kicking and screaming my way through. I loved other moments, when I was able to get over the seemingly overbearing life stressors. To those who saw me at my low points this semester, thanks for sticking by me, lending an ear and some words of wisdom, and for most importantly not rolling your eyes and judging me. (I was all over the place.) Some of you might not have noticed my ineptitude, in which case I succeeded in appearing quasi-functional. But at the end of the day, the past few months was necessary to get to where I am right now. I'm still not quite sure what that state is, but... I'm coming to terms with it all. Embracing it, even. There are things to be excited for. You know, a little thing called life.

To the seniors in my life (you know who you are): You will always remain seniors. I know you will all go off to do great things, however "great" may be defined for you. I am going to miss you dearly. I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself. Truly Madly Deeply.

On another note, here's my itinerary for the next couple months:

Now - June 5 :: LA
June 5 - August 7 :: NYC
August 7 - August 24 :: LA
August 24 - ?? :: Durham

And to close off this weird jumble of thoughts,

Some videos that I have been enamored by:

TORO Y MOI "YOU HID" from Yours Truly on Vimeo.

xx,
jessie

Cellphones Kill?

2010-02-22T16:07:00.004-05:00

New GQ article reveals the growing evidence that cellphone usage is linked to brain damage. Sounds like something you heard back in middle school as a joke, right? And it became something we just dismissed.

But its true:

It's hard to talk about the dangers of cell-phone radiation without sounding like a conspiracy theorist. This is especially true in the United States, where non-industry-funded studies are rare, where legislation protecting the wireless industry from legal challenges has long been in place, and where our lives have been so thoroughly integrated with wireless technology that to suggest it might be a problem—maybe, eventually, a very big public-health problem—is like saying our shoes might be killing us.

Hm. Panic is setting in. Not really sure where to go from here. My phone is basically an extension of me (we'll save cyborg talks for later). Maybe I should start using a Bluetooth headset? But then again, that may cause cancer. Just like breathing.

Don't roll your eyes next time I tell you why I'm dying this decade.

New Caribou Video

2010-02-19T16:33:00.002-05:00

I'm more than giddy over Caribou's upcoming album. They've released their first title track, "Odessa." The band never ceases to amaze me with their changing sound. I'm really digging this new global edge. The video is pretty sweet--the lack of focus at any given point is a nice visual effect, really adds to the haziness of the dream pop.

Enjoy!

CARIBOU - Odessa from Caribou on Vimeo.

Boing Boing Mass Blast

2010-02-17T21:21:00.005-05:00

BoingBoing is a Web site I follow that is chockful of insightful/interesting/useless/fun/weird findings and clippings. For those that haven't really looked into it before, here's my shameless plug for it.

I was looking at the most recent batch of updates, and many I thought were worth reposting and commenting on.

I'm currently having a quasi-big dilemma: what things I should retweet on Twitter, repost on my Blog, or link it to my Facebook? Or all three. There's just too many nuances I haven't really yet sorted out in this new-age Internet fad. But then again, everything is linked to everything, so I guess, just like, whatever.

Here goes a summary of stuff:

1) Safe Sex=Saving Animals!

Now there's an extra added purposive incentive to having safe sex--save endangered species. Center for Biological Diversity has created a special line of condom wrappers featuring an endangered animal that is accompanied by catchy slogans, such as "Hump smarter... save the snail darter." Awww. Who doesn't want to save animals? And maybe stay safe and control population growth as a secondary concern. Good job, marketing team.

2) Men should lie about their height (or about how much they make) online

A shout out to Duke!

A recent study analyzed data from 22,000 online daters and found that "women put a premium on income and height when deciding which men to contact." For example, the study showed a 5-foot-9-inch man needs to make $30,000 more than a 5-foot-10-inch one to be as successful in the dating pool.

Damn. That's a high premium on height, but I think that maybe the 5'9" to 5'10" difference is more important to women than say the 6'1" to 6'2" height differences. After a certain point, I don't think females care that much. But for the folks who are below six feet tall... I hope you make lots of money ;)

3) MGMT is so Lowbrow (and not in an offensive way)

Album art for MGMT's upcoming record, Congratulations, debuted on BoingBoing. The artist is Anthony Ausgang, one of the original members of the Lowbrow art scene that emerged in the '90s. Here's also the link to an interview with him.

4) I want these!

New Post-its that look like blades of grass.

That's all for now. My life is boring right now. I'm doing lots of schoolwork, without feeling very engaged or satisfied in an intellectual capacity. More so just blase and burnt out. Spring break, come sooner please.

The Populism Problem

2010-02-14T12:17:00.000-05:00

Check out this short commentary about how public opinion is louder, but more conflicted, than ever.

Here's a clip:

Similarly, the failure of free markets during the financial crisis might have led people to think that the government should be more involved in the economy. Instead, the percentage of Americans who think government is trying to do too much is higher than it’s been since the late nineties. Health-care reform offers a case study in this. The bills passed by Congress, whatever their flaws, would do things that voters overwhelmingly say they support: extend coverage to the uninsured, ban the worst practices of insurers, and guarantee insurance for people who lose their jobs. Yet more voters now oppose the bills than support them, with many saying that the government is overreaching. And, while voters routinely say that the rising cost of health care is a problem, it is the bills’ cost-control provisions—including a tax on expensive insurance plans and rules to restrain Medicare spending—that have proved especially unpopular. On top of this, many people are just annoyed with the whole process: a survey of voters who supported Obama in 2008 but voted for Scott Brown in the recent Massachusetts Senate race found that forty-one per cent of those who opposed health-care reform weren’t sure whether reform went too far or not far enough. In short, they don’t know why they’re against reform; they just are. It’s a bit like Marlon Brando in “The Wild One.” Asked what he’s rebelling against, he says, “Whaddya got?"

Out with the Good, In with the Bad

2010-01-19T22:49:00.004-05:00

As I was peering through the daily dose of editorials off of boingboing, an editorial from Clay Shirky caught my eye.

"A Rant About Women."

Hmm. Intriguing. It pertains to me. And I love rants. So I decide to read it.

Even more intriguing. The topic itself--why women aren't as successful in the work force--is a topic that has been beaten to death to no avail. I myself have thought a lot about it, but I can't seem to come to any good conclusions.

Shirky's perspective goes as follows (excerpts):

I’m not concerned that women don’t engage in enough building of self-confidence or self-esteem. I’m worried about something much simpler: not enough women have what it takes to behave like arrogant self-aggrandizing jerks.

It’s not that women will be better off being con artists; a lot of con artists aren’t better off being con artists either. It’s just that until women have role models who are willing to risk incarceration to get ahead, they’ll miss out on channelling smaller amounts of self-promoting con artistry to get what they want, and if they can’t do that, they’ll get less of what they want than they want.

It’s tempting to imagine that women could be forceful and self-confident without being arrogant or jerky, but that’s a false hope, because it’s other people who get to decide when they think you’re a jerk, and trying to stay under that threshold means giving those people veto power over your actions. To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: not doing anything, or not caring about the reaction.

Essentially, I need to be a self-invested asshole to get ahead in today's society. To be noticed, I must inflate myself. I need role models that are willing to spend time in jail and don't give two shits about being a liar or thief or lawbreakers.

Frankly, I kind of like this idea. Too bad the only female con artist I know who is currently in jail only goes after feeble Williamsburg residents. It's funny to look at the comments to the blogpost. Of course it's a touchy subject--to be more successful, women must yet again adopt characteristics generally associated with men. But if it works, I'm all in.

Warning: Do not be offended if I become an arrogant self-aggrandizing jerk. Know that I'm probably happier. You should congratulate me if I succeed.

New Order

2010-01-14T01:50:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've sat down and seriously blogged. I failed in Berlin, I failed over Winter Break, but I'm determined to get back on track with blogging (and journaling, for that matter) this new semester. So here's a retrospective and prospective post.

For the past several months, it's been really hard to get a good footing on anything.

In August I went abroad and had to acclimate to a new city and culture. Mein Liebe Berlin. I fell in love with the sprawling landscape, the makeshift assemblage of shops, clubs, and gatherings, and the undeniable air of rough cool that everything possessed. The history of the city was an unspoken truth, creating a place filled with such energy and excitement. As I watched this city in transition before my eyes, I couldn't help but feel a part of it all. To learn everyone's stories. To understand the ruin. To experience the rebuilding. I met some great people, did some pretty wild things, and all of it felt so natural after a certain point. But the relationship was nipped at the bud before it could fully blossom. Right when I was starting to really feel like I could manage the language and begin to feel at home. I'm thankful for study abroad and the opportunity to travel without worries and enjoy without true consequence. Though there may be regrets here and there (R.I.P. Blackberry), it was all a part of a collective experience I would not take back. All the time in a foreign place, outside of my comfort zone, gave me a chance to internalize my dispositions and my character. I grew a lot while abroad, perhaps more so than expected. In the end, I would say I did a pretty damn great job getting the most out of Berlin while managing to get some more understanding about myself.

Then after Berlin, I was back home, and that felt familiar and odd all at once. Mostly familiar, but still odd. I wanted to speak German all the time and be a snob. I wanted the freedom to hop on a subway without the worries of traffic or being carless. But the friends back home are irreplaceable. I forgot how much I missed Southern California and how truly different the people are. I'm not just saying this to sound snobby, but I am. Being home was great, and enjoying the company of friends and family was fantastic. Hopefully I stored up enough sunlight like a solar panel to last me until spring.

And right when home was starting to feel right again, I'm whisked away to Duke. Oh Duke. I've realized that I don't miss you that much. Or rather, I don't miss your essence. I miss a handful of people, but the rest I could do without. I know I'm not going into this semester with the right mindset right now, and I'm hoping it's only because I have been on campus for a total of three days. Three overwhelming days, with lots of familiar faces. But I certainly feel the gap in linear existence when being here. I keep thinking it's the start of everyone's semesters. I want a free planner and I don't want to walk into rooms that are way more decorated than mine. I need to get a grip on my classes and create a routine. I've never really liked routine, but I feel like routine will be very important to me this semester.

There's a lot of changes going on in my head right now, and I think I'll have my hands full soon enough. But not full enough to blog. I look back to freshman year, when blog posts were somewhat pathetically naive and resembled immature rants, but at least I wasn't feeling quite as jaded.

Here's to hoping I don't fuck up this year too badly. To starting 2010 the right way. To letting things go, and moving on.

My Top 9 Songs of 2009

2010-01-04T15:15:00.003-05:00

I thought that since I didn't make it onto recess' yearly wrap up this time around, I would just post them here. I know, it seems so casually pretentious, but I just wanted to share what I've loved in 2009. It's in no particular order, but I do see some common themes: nostalgia, love , androgyny, electron0-dance (fist pump!)... enjoy!

Girls "Lust for Life"
Girls--one of the best discoveries of 2009. Love this song to death, love that it's gender bending, whimsical, etlc. It's Californian, it's Retro, it's Angsty, it's Sweet, it's Sassy, it's a Sing-My-Heart-Out-Athem.

Grizzly Bear "Deep Blue Sea"
I really think GB's best song of the year wasn't off of Veckatimest (I have to look up how to spell it each time), even though "Two Weeks" is wonderful. The arrangement is beautiful, and though the lyrics are a little bleak, the song just puts me in a place of calm and bliss.

Animal Collective "My Girls"
The entire album was great... this song is great... not much else to say. A classic already.

The xx "Crystalised" (those British, spelling things all funny...)
Probably my favorite new band of the year. They take minimal (and androgyny) to the next level. The guitar riff during the chorus is the best. So fresh and so clean clean.

YACHT "Psychic City"
This song is insanely fun and eccentric, and even though YACHT has been around for a while, this song feels like their big break. Basically, I want to live in a Psychic/Voodoo City now.

Passion Pit "The Reeling"
The song has such a great opening and the best sing-a-long chorus ever. Oh noooo-o-oooo-o-oooooo, Oh nooo-o-oooo-o-oooo! Saw them twice in one weekend, and it still wasn't enough.

Julian Casablanca "11th Dimension"
The beginning sequence sets up the rest of the song so well. Electrifying energy all the way through. And plus... I love Julian's voice. Melting...

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros "Home"
Another nostalgic powerhouse (whaddup Girls?!), making me yearn for things I don't even know about. I can't believe the dude from Ima Robot did a 180, and is now making music that urges me want to travel in a love mobile covered in peace signs. The song has a great beat, catchy chorus. Super cute.

Wilco "You and I"
I love Feist. I love this song. Simple and earnest. I think the album is pretty solid, but this is a nice little gem that I enjoy mellowing out to.

Parlay Voo Anything?

2009-12-04T19:02:00.015-05:00

As promised (more so to myself && Tiffany), a recap of Paris. I took a whopping 400 photos, most of which are of food, scenes, art, food, scenes, and mostly just damn pretty things. I don't want to oversimplify the wonder of the French culture, but it was what I had expected: this certain charm, this certain air of high culture, and everyone there knowing they carried this air of high culture.

I hit up most "must-see" places: Eiffel Tower, Tuileries, Louvre, Champs Elysée, Sacré Coeur, Moulin Rouge. There were some other surprises as well: the cafe where Amelie worked, best Falafels in Marais, vintage/antique shopping, taking a cooking class in French, eating delicious pastries and drinking hot chocolate at Angelinas, going up the Eiffel Tower at night, eating lunch at the steps of Sacré Coeur and being attacked by 30 birds, homemade fondue, walking around for hours in Montmarte, finding myself a 1940s blazer...

Basically, feeling really fabulous the entire time. It was the royal treatment of lavish lust.

One thing I did miss: the Pompidou, which was closed because of strike. As much as I love people standing their ground for what they want... I want my modern art, please!

Paris is was filled with lights, and of course, love. The couples in Paris are cuter. Can that be possible? I didn't know watching people share an iPod could be so... romantic. Sure, it might not have been as perfect as Paris, Je'taime, but I blame that on the weather. Now if only I could find a Before Sunset moment, my Parisian experience would be complete.

I had a lovely time in Paris, thanks to Tiffany, who essentially planned out my weekend to the t. We saw and ate so much, it was incredible. Glad I got to catch up with her.

Louvre

Thanksgiving Dinner, Part 2
Sea of Black

Versailles

Eiffel Tower (it's embarrassing how many photos I took of it...from all different perspectives and distances...)

Best Crepes Ever, sepia style

Sacré Coeur Picnic with the Birds

Montmarte

Champs Elysée

Homemade Glühwein

Fondue Me, Please.

I Feel Just Like A Child

2009-12-01T18:48:00.004-05:00

I had a fabulously French weekend with Madamoiselle Tiffany, as we had a rendezvous in Paris!
Delicious food, delicious sights, and delicious clothing. What more can a girl ask for?

And if that weren't enough, I had the privilege of seeing Devendra Banhart tonight. I would say it was one of the best experiences of my life. My friend Leo and I mustered up the courage to say hi to him after the show. He was everything I wanted him to be, and then some. He laughed at my jokes. He said my scarf was beautiful. He wore a rose hair tie and mismatched socks.

No wonder I am feeling so giddy.

Photos && more extensive update to come. The next week or so is going to be hell for me, so I'm pushing off updating until I can regain sanity.

And, for the record, DBanhart said "See you later."

Mommy & Me

2009-11-16T10:35:00.013-05:00

As you may have figured from my other posts, Mama Tang came to visit me in Berlin. We traveled together (twice, to Amsterdam & Frankfurt/Wiesbaden), ate together, walked together, drank together (that was quite entertaining), slept in a hostel together, took pictures together... did lots of things together. All in all, good mother-daughter bonding.

Amsterdam
highlights: hostel, red light, van gogh museum, canal after canal after canal. generally, i just loved just wandering around the streets at night, people watching.

Den Haag
highlights: great museusm (vermeer paintings & modern art), quaintness.

Berlin
highlights: eating a home-cooked chinese meal (with some quirks, naturally), watching my mom gawk at how döners are prepared, walking down unter den linden at night, having my mom nudge me about how slow my german learning was going.

Wiesbaden/Frankfurt
highlights: stayed with my dad's cousin Yvonne and her family (and feeling like one of five asian people in the entire city), cable car ride over rhine valley, vineyard after vineyard after vineyard, four-hour dinners over wine and apple strudel that entailed crazy stories about the tang heritage. how i heart family.

(note:I promise to post photos from dresden/prague/italy at some point...)

Ready, Able

2009-11-11T19:33:00.006-05:00

So tonight was a special treat. Instead of spending the usual Wednesday night studying for my weekly quiz, I saw Grizzly Bear + St. Vincent at Postbanhof. The old train-station-turned-venue was (surprisingly) full. I knew Grizzly Bear had a big following, but this was jam-packed full. The I-can-smell-my-neighbor's-breath full. The amount of people that attended tonight put a smile to my face, although I could have used more room for those powerful sways I built up...

Needless to say, it was great. St. Vincent was surprising, and I appreciate her live performances so much--it captures the layers of her sound so much better than through listening to her singles. She's a one-women force-of-nature, and she's got this shy mystique to her. She didn't really say much in between songs, but just let the music do the talking for her. The lights definitely helped add to the songs, and for a couple tracks, she would fade out with the lights as fog filled the void. Like a magician, she was gone. Charming.

And Grizzly Bear... sigh. Beautiful. I caught myself closing my eyes one too many times. I just wanted to soak it all in. It wasn't a dance-till-my-feet-hurt show, but that's not what you expect from GB. One asks for mellow musings, for passion, for simple lyrics that don't make sense but somehow do... the harmonies, the melting of the voices... so lovely and eerie (jordan axt would kill me for using this word, but I really don't know how else to explain it!) Eerie because it seems so unreal. But all at once, I felt so at peace with the world. "Knife" was great, "Two Weeks" was fantastic. But I think the highlight was "Deep Blue Sea." Great song to begin with, but add voice layering to the acoustics... and I die. They played a lot of songs from Veckatimest, expected and appreciated. I like the new album, but after seeing it live, I can enjoy it more. I've been listening to Horn of Plenty a lot recently... the older stuff is so different but I love the simplicity of it all.

Fun Fact: Ed Droste apparently lived in Berlin for one year back in 2001. He whipped out some German, which was so adorable. See, this is why I need to come back to Berlin to live. Because I could start the next great... Brooklyn Band. Clearly.

I'll repost their newest music video so you can enjoy some Grizzly Bear fantasticness.

20 Years

2009-11-09T16:18:00.003-05:00

Twenty years ago this day, I was probably lying in my crib, sucking my thumb and trying to make sense of... well, senses. I am not quite sure how a five-month-old baby's brain functions, but I want to say not too much was going on in life. Just me, with my thumb, having a good time. Oh, and maybe a stuffed animal was involved. So that made two of us in my world.

But 20 years ago today in Berlin was a whole other story, one I can only piece together from old documentaries, newspaper retrospectives, and first-hand accounts from those who have experienced it. I don't want to get too deep or sappy because this day doesn't quite hit home for me, but living here for a little over 2 months now... you are inevitably faced with the presence of what Berlin used to be. Divided. Torn. And now, rebuilding. Stronger and more refined, but the edginess and the scars are still present.

I thought it would be appropriate to pay tribute to the 20 years since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Pretty spectacular, I must say. By the Brandenburg Gate there were 1000 "Dominoes" set up along the path of where a part of the wall used to stand. Each domino was hand-painted by school children and local artists. The Domino Effect is what they were trying to get at... Berlin loves this type of stuff (refer to my last post about giant puppets roaming the city). It's cute, but then again, does it take away from the significance of the commemorated event itself?

I somehow managed to break my SD card (hot mess moment #837), but the image I reposted was better than the ones I took anyways.

Massive Update

2009-10-04T18:31:00.010-04:00

I couldn't think of a good name for this post because it's all over the place.

1) Travels + Mom + F---ing Flights

Here is my travel itinerary as far as I have planned out for October:

Oct. 13-16 Dresden/Prague (with program)
Oct. 16 Milan (with Jenn for rest of Italy)
Oct. 17 Perugia
Oct. 19 Rome
Oct. 20 Florence
Oct. 22 Back to Berlin
Oct. 23 Amsterdam (with Mom)
Oct. 25 Back to Berlin
Oct. 29 Frankfurt. (with Mom)
Nov. 1 Back to Berlin

MY MOM IS VISITING!

I'm very excited, just found out this week. Although the past few days have been stressful as I attempted to book last minute flights and plan for travel and her stay in Berlin. My mom will be traveling on her own with a tour for 17 days prior to meeting with me. These tours are a little intense--they're basically crash courses in European culture and sights. You get a faint taste of what it's like, but nothing substantial. But hey, this is Mama Tang's first time in Europe, so getting a feel for everything will be great. That way, if she finds places she particularly likes, she can come back!

I'm meeting up with her on October 23 in probably the last place you would want your parents to go with you to: Amsterdam. I've seen photos of the city--it's gorgeous. There's the Van Gogh Museum, Anne Frank House... oh wait, but there's also its notorious drug culture and Red Light District. And, we're staying in a hostel. We'll be sharing a 10-person bed with people from god knows where. My mom said she was down, so I hope she really is...
Basically, I'm nervous but extremely excited to see how things play out.

On October 25, we're both coming back to Berlin.

(Side note really quickly: I need to vent about booking flights. I spent countless hours trying to figure out whether trains or flights were better, which flights, etc. I ended up forking over 200 Euros for my round trip to and from Amsterdam. A little steep, but it's fine. I'm not even angry about that part. What I'm absolutely outraged by is the fact that I wanted to book my mom the same one-way flight from Amsterdam to Berlin and this is how much they want to charge:

It's the second flight from the top. Ridiculous, right? 420.65 Euros. This one-way flight cost double my roundtrip cost. A 1.5 hour flight... it just blows my mind. I had to scramble and get her a different flight that will be flying into Berlin a couple hours later. I'm more than frustrated at this point.

My mom will be living with my host family because we have an extra room and my host family said it would be fine. P.S. LOVE my host family. They're the best.

And then that following Thursday, we'll be going to Frankfurt to visit my dad's cousin Yvonne. P.S. LOVE Yvonne. Met her over the summer when she came to visit LA with her kids, and she's just got this great edge to her. It's probably because she lived in New York for 10 years. That's what I need as well.

October is überweltigt, which is overwhelming in a good way. Usually, I've been using überhäuft, which is overwhelmed in a negative sense. Mostly when it comes to German. But I'm spending over half of October not in Berlin, but that's a part of study abroad, no?

2) Rise of the Riesen

This weekend, there was a special celebration in Berlin that has been dubbed "The Riesen" (The Giants). It was something that was so quintessentially Berlin: quirky and weird and but not totally unexpected. Portions of Unter Den Linden (probably Berlin's busiest street) was closed off for the celebration near the gate. These Riesen are huge wooden puppets that trekked through town, and the two giants symbolize the metaphorical reunification of Germany. The big Giant West Germany, the little Giant East. [I don't know if I completely agree with the analogy...why is West Germany the dominant, more imposing male figure that plays a seemingly paternal role to the little Riesen? I don't want to read into the analogy too much, but I don't find it quite fitting.]

On Thursday and Friday, they went through town on separate paths, "lost" and in search of one another. On Saturday, they met up at Bradenburg Tor. I was fortunate enough to be there when the giants reunited.

The hectic sight, people standing on buildings and chairs and tables and whatever else they could manage to get a grip of...

Girl Riesen lifted over the gate!

Look how small the people are in comparison!

Triumphant moment: Big Riesen walks through the Gate!

So many people were maneuvering the puppets. And they were dressed in this fabulous red suits.

Reunited once again

I'm really glad I went, despite the massive amounts of people. There were locals and tourists and kids and grandparents and families and strollers and gray clouds and Native American dancers and Currywurst stands and balloons and music and standing and more standing...

But it was great.

After such a claustrophobic and stressful adventure, I treated myself to some kugel Eis (ice cream cone). Kugel ice is one of my favorite parts of Europe. 1 Euro gelato that is damn delicious.

This week: I have my art history paper due and German Midterm on Thursday. Eh.
But, my German is actually getting to a pretty good place. Even Agi, my sprachpartner (language partner) said so, and she is usually really frustrated and direct with me. So mini-accomplishments here and there.

I think I've exhausted myself from this epic blogpost, and if you've made it this far, I love you.

Fall Upon Me

2009-09-29T19:19:00.010-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while, so this post may be a little overwhelming and scattered, but I wanted to post something complete.

1) Herbst ist hier!

Fall is here, and it has made its arrival quite clear. Berlin has had scattered showers for the past two days, and more to come. I'm wearing my peacoat during the day, and my scarves are serving their actual purpose rather than as just another outfit accessories (which they so often are).

2) Busy Bee

I had a really awesomely hectic/tiring week/weekend. Here's a not-so-brief outline:

Wednesday (9/23)

.Went to the Berlin Philharmonie. Beautiful building. Listened to a piece by Mahler. It was pretty good, but I more so enjoyed the building. The architect, Hans Scharoun, didn't think that right angles are harmonious with patterns of nature. The result is an angular structure that embraces entropy.

.I had coffee and a plum cake afterwards with Jenn. Instead of studying for a quiz, I decided to embody the European model of leisure and enjoy the company of good people and conversation instead.

Thursday (9/24)

.Visited the home of Bertolt Brecht, the father of epic theater. It's always such a surreal experience walking through someone's home, with remnants of their life hanging on walls, stashed in shelves, shoved into books, frozen in time... it's bizarre.

.Had my third Yoga session, and I must say, I'm really loving the class. After getting over the language barrier (I finally just gave up and told the teacher I spoke little German) and getting into the routine of movements, it has been really rewarding. I actually want him to come over and correct my form now. My favorite part: the 15 minute "nap" that we get at the end, where he hands out blankets and has us listen to this CD which consists entirely of a gong ringing over and over and over again. It's great. I fall asleep each time.

.Visited the Helmut Newton Museum with Leo. It's a permanent collection of Newton, all pieces of which he donated right before his death in 2002. Cool fact: he taught at Art Center in Pasadena. I really want to explore fashion photography more. Seeing exhibits of two masters recently (the other being Richard Avedon in SF) has made me thirsty for more.

.Went out to Cookies (shout out to jkunemund). It was great. Best part: being a girl and maybe perhaps not having to pay cover fees.

http://www.fortsch.de/Bilder/cookies.jpg

Friday (9/25)

.Went to the Wansee Conference House, which was thoroughly depressing. This was where the Nazis signed official papers regarding the systematic killing of Jews. The house has been turned into a museum that outlines the history and origins of racial oppression in Germany and Europe. Can you imagine that this document was discussed over drinks and food, as if it's just another topic of light discussion? The house itself is right next to a lake, and the juxtaposition of the beautiful scenery with what took place within is unsettling.

Saturday (9/26)

.Saw Bertolt Bretch's Der aufhaltsame Aufstieg des Arturo Ui on stage at the Berliner Ensemble. It's a satire of the Nazi uprising, and probably the most absurd theater piece of seen thus far. The first fifteen minutes consists of the main actor (who, by the way, played Hitler in Inglorious Basterds) panting and acting like a dog, his tongue painted bright red, running around on all fours, panting and heaving madly. The play was great, albeit I couldn't understand so much of it. It was mentally exhausting. The main actor was seriously phenomenal.

.Went to Maria am Ostbanhof afterwards with Arie and Jenn. It's a club by the river in this industrial building. Probably the most outrageous of places I've been to yet, and they probably had the best techno too. Outrageous because there was so much fog in that place that at certain points, I couldn't see anything but a gray haze. It was so disorientingly amazing. We also met some random locals on the bus that we ended up hanging out with for the rest of the night... Arie is way too friendly.

3) Gemütlich

This week I'm feeling wholly at peace with the ebb and flow of daily demands. Things are falling into place, and I'm just getting over the fact that my German sucks (for now, hopefully). But being here has made me so determined to master the language. I'm seriously considering taking more German when I get back to Duke, whether it be a conversational course or more.

Overall: I'm in a constant state of flux here. The contrast of depressing history and mind-numbing dancing and music. Berlin is so damn interesting because of all this historical tension needing to be done away with somehow, somewhere. In art, music, night life... it never ends.

What's Cookin?

2009-09-18T16:09:00.004-04:00

I realize practically all the names for my posts are questions. Sorry if it's lame, but it's probably my subliminal way of connecting with the reader. Cheesy, I know.

Update:
I've completed three weeks of classes. Yay me!
I'm picking up more and more German everyday. I can make out some words when listening to public radio, but haven't yet gotten to the point to comprehend the sentences completely. Getting there.
I've experienced the unfortunate closing of the subways at night (they shut down from 1:00 am-ish to 4:00 a.m. ish). Because of that, I've successfully ridden the bus at 1:30 a.m.
Went to a Bauhaus exhibition today. It was quite good, and I want to learn more about it.

My biggest accomplishment thus far though:
Cooking.

I'm not the world's best cook, but when push comes to shove, I attempt to make something.
And right now, I'm being shoved with a lack of monetary funds and homesickness.

This is what I ended up concocting tonight...

Steamed baby bokchoy, penne pasta with basil tomato sauce with some parmesan and oregano, and bean curd soup. Don't get too impressed yet--the soup base came from a package. But still, I feel proud of myself. Creating a little bit of home. I enjoyed a quiet dinner tonight while listening to rbb (German public radio) and their jazz program.

Hopefully there will be more cooking to come, more German to be learned (and butchered), more fun times, more getting lost, getting stranded. More everything.

Prost!

AIDS and... Hitler?

2009-09-13T16:25:00.008-04:00

Last semester, I took a class called Discourse of Disease. It sounds broad, and the topics covered in the class even broader. We discussed everything from 28 Days Later to Chinese novels to AIDS campaigns. Mostly importantly, we talked about the language of disease and how the linguistic and artistic expressions affect the way we think about disease and its power through symbolism.

I came across one AIDS campaign in class that depicted a man/women having sex with insects and posted about it on my class discussion board. I'll relink the image I found here and here (they are French AIDS campaigns).

There are a couple others, but it's interesting to understand the visual/metaphorical connotations and whether the ads are effective. One of the main debates is whether the ads are depicting AIDS the disease OR the people with AIDS as filthy (or both). Do we see people with AIDS as victims or perpetrators? Of course there is no right or wrong answer, but asking these questions are important.

In the same vein, a provocative AIDS awareness campgian that is about to launch in Germany featuring a woman having sex with men notorious figures such as Hitler and Stalin. Check out the video here and an article about it from the Guardian here.

Note: I post this because the ad is related to Germany, but also because these types of compaigns would NEVER be allowed in America. This idea of America and our culture as being too "politically correct" has come up on several occasions in my stay abroad so far. Is it wrong to say toilet because adults are supposed to be refined? The Germans don't think so. These AIDS awareness campaigns make me think about what is acceptable not only from a visual/linguistic discourse but also from a cultural discourse. I'd be interested in seeing what others have to say.

Anyone Out There?

2009-09-12T18:31:00.003-04:00

In my moment of frenzy and lightheadedness, I headed where any homesick and sick Asian person from California would go: the local Asian Supermarket.

Let's start with the fact that I am feeling a little lonely. Just a little.

Let's add another fact that I like independence. But only when it comes with the comforts of home and/or familiarity.

Let's add another fact that my body hates me and is getting so sensitive to food. I am a master at self diagnosis (and by master, I mean the ultimate abuser), and I have declared myself a victim of stomach flu and possibly lactose intolerant. If I'm not... well, we'll have to deal with that later.

Being hours from home and friends and people to vent to, getting sick so early in my trip has been slightly terrifying. I am incapable of feeding myself the food that is needed (where the heck am I going to find chicken noodle soup?!) and failing at providing my body with needed rest.

It's been a little over two weeks since I've been here, and I'm starting to miss bits and pieces of home. Take this Asian market, for example. It's nothing compared to 99 Ranch, but it's something (Berlin doesn't have a "Chinatown," and I'm quickly resenting it). At least I have some alternatives when I'm sick of cheese and bread and doners and schnitzel. And is it odd that I found it comforting to step into this store, while I was starving and tired, to feel some sense of community because the people that worked there spoke Chinese? It's bizarre, but being a minority has become more and more apparent to me. I'm sorry if this is all coming off as strikingly obvious, but I'm having difficulties describing how I feel. It's more of what I want to feel and having to substitute it with temporary things for now.

As I stepped out of the store with a bag full of instant ramen and Chinese crackers, I was more at ease. Even though I'm sick, at least I have my container of Instant Noodle King.

Wie bitte? Come Again?

2009-09-09T15:27:00.002-04:00

I have my first German test tomorrow (!), but I'm taking a break. Note: Study habits in Europe are like study habits at Duke. Procrastinate, Stress, Procrastinate some more. I don't think I'm exaggerating when saying that learning a new language in a foreign country is exhausting. The work load hasn't been that tough, but constantly having to pay attention to new words and how sentences are formed is a struggle. I almost had a mini meltdown yesterday, but I think I'll be okay. Just need to stay positive!

Due to the nudging of a certain person, I'll update you on what I've been up:

1) Ein, Aus (In, Out)

I signed up for a six-week yoga course through Humboldt University. I love how education is subsidized in Germany, and this class only cost me 12€. However, the course is entirely in German. That wouldn't be so bad... if the teacher didn't like to go around correcting everyone's form. Note: I'm probably the most inflexible person you will meet. So I'm embarrassed enough as it is not being able to bend my body at a 45 degree angle, but this Yogi master has to come prancing around telling me what I'm doing wrong in German. Uhm, what? I open my mouth to say something, but realize it's better to just stay silent. To avoid being approached again, I try to close my eyes as to seem engrossed in meditation...

2) Bundestag (Reichstag)

Courtesy of http://www.feuerwehr-weblog.de/

We visited the German Parliament building on Friday. It is an amazing building aesthetically, and I find it crazy cool how I could literally walk up on a day that the Parliament might be discussing a piece of legislature and SIT IN on their meeting. Yes, to sit in with the Chancellor and Prime Minister at one of their meetings. That could never happen in the U.S.

Where meetings are held

Graffiti from the Russian takeover of the Reichstag after defeating Hitler's regime (mostly just names of Soldiers and the cities they came from)

Inside the glass dome

Top of the Dome

Basically, the building is probably the coolest government structure ever. We got a private tour thanks to Jochen, the Duke in Berlin Program Director.

3) Pretty Colors

My language partner, Agi, took me to the annual international fireworks competition held at Olympiastadium on Saturday. It was quite the spectacle, each country (there were three on Saturday) having to prepare a fireworks show coordinated to music that lasted around 15-20 minutes each.

Fireworks is one of those things I don't think anyone could get sick of. Granted, if I worked at Disneyland every night, it might be a different story. However, there is an imposing quality about fireworks that make them very special. Filling up the sky with sparkles seems too damn good.

But probably the best part of the fireworks was being able to hang out with some locals. Agi is 22 and lives not too far from me. I met her boyfriend and dad. We went to this American-themed restaurant called Route 66 afterward the fireworks show and met up with her friend. Apparently (or obviously), they are obsessed with American culture and are super excited to brush up on their English. What can I say? I guess good ol' USA is pretty cool.

4) Club Circuit

My first weekend out at... Week End, one of the top ranked clubs in Berlin. Not too shabby, huh? I shall start loving techno and trance.

Coming UP: Potsdam && more

The View From Sybelstrasse

2009-08-30T12:22:00.000-04:00

If this is any indication of how often I will blog and journal while abroad, it makes me sad because I really haven't had much time to gather my thoughts or felt the need to, I suppose. Then again, I'm still going through culture shock and all that fun stuff.

I've been in Berlin for a week now, and it's been... overwhelmingly great. Amazing seems so hackneyed, but that would probably be the next word that comes to mind immediately. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm in a real city again that makes it so enticing for me. But the first couple days have been used to adjust myself to the public transportation system, the layout of the city and my town, the overpriced goods, the fact that I know close to no German... the list goes on, but it's all been so fun.

We walk, we eat, we drink, we talk, we drink some more, we eat some more. There is always time for a cup of Kaffee, it seems. Always. The highlight so far was a five-hour bike ride our group did through Berlin. Of course it was a quicky history tour of many hot spots I'm sure I'll visit later in more depth, but biking through the Tiergarten was/is beautiful. I hope to take more photographs of all This, but I'm still absorbing everything in in the meantime.

I will break up this blog update for my own sanity and the sake of gathering my scattered thoughts.

1) My Home

I live on the the 4th floor (or 5th floor, if you count the bottom level as the first) of a 100-year-old building. It's a beautiful place, with lush plants scaling the walls and fresh air entering through the many windows. My apartment itself is a two-story flat, very spacious but cozy. It's located in Charlottenburg, a well-to-do area with a lot of amenities. I'm located next to some very key public transit lines and of course, the famous Kufurstendamm (KuDamm, as everyone calls it). It's a major shopping area, but more well suited if you enjoy shopping at Prada and Chanel. Toward the more affordable section, there is literally three H&Ms on a block, two right next to each other and one across the street. I thought it was getting bad in the suburbs of LA, but I guess the Berliners really need all the Swedish hipness they can squeeze into one block.

My Gastfamilie is very sweet. At first I was slightly intimidated, but now we get along very well. Michael and Regine Mields-Bretschneider have a great sense of humor and are easy going. They take me on mini excursions around town and to their "public living room" (read: their favorite cafe down the block) whenever possible.

They are the ones on the right!

2) My Klasses

At the end of the day, I'm here for "study abroad," not "party abroad" (although I hope to be doing a good amount of the second). Hence, there are classes. And probably the biggest challenge I will face, aside from the language barriers, is mastering Deutsch in German 15 (Advanced Beginners!) I've painfully come to realize that I may not be the best at learning new languages. I am easily frustrated and my attention span can hold somewhere around five to 10 words at any given moment. At least that's how it feels for now. I'm sure it will get better, but know that I slave away at night doing German homework and memorizing vocab and learning numbers (when I'm not on Soririty Life on Facebook.)

3) My (Kultural) Blunders

Some highlights.

-I've pulled at doors when there is a big "PUSH" sign in German. The guy behind me then proceeds to push the door.
-I waited to use the bathroom for in an hour in my house one morning thinking that there was someone occupying it because the door was shut. Turns out that Germans just like to keep doors closed...
-I almost put pudding in my salad thinking it was dressing. The lady behind the counter yelled "No!" at me repeatedly.
-I did a very poor job packing. In trying to pack "light," I forgot pajamas. And comfortable shoes. And sweats. And more shoes. But really, who forgets pajamas? Jessie Tang does.
-I walked out of the way to a drug store to purchase more prepaid minutes for my phone. Turns out I didn't have enough Euros. And they don't take credit cards. And the lady didn't speak English. I walked away disappointed. And I can't make phone calls. Lesson learned: always have enough Euros on you.
-Two people have asked me for directions. I feel honored to be mistaken for someone who looks like they know what they're doing, but too bad all I can do is stare at them nervously and point in random directions.

4) What I Love About Berlin

This photo pretty much sums it all up. The leisure mentality, the art&architecture, the open space, the freedom to roam.

I'll save some other musings for another post. Just wanted to keep my avid readers (joke) up to speed :)

Don't Stop, Don't Stop Now

2009-08-24T22:44:00.000-04:00

At this time tomorrow, I'll be on a plane headed to Berlin, the Poor But Sexy Capital of the World. Holy shit.
I won't ever be fully ready, but I'm as ready as I can be at this point.
This summer has been great--I only hope to carry that momentum with me on my journeys. I hope this doesn't stop.

Bike it UP

2009-08-13T12:44:00.000-04:00

Check out this great video about a progressive bike sharing system taking place in Denver.

Away We Go

2009-07-30T07:19:00.000-04:00

After a long hiatus from the blogosphere, I'm reemerging, not with much more to say, but simply with updates on my life. My summer internship has been going well, better than I could have imagined. My mentors have given me a good amount of responsibilities, and I've had a great time doing onsite recruiting so I can experience both sides of the research world.

I've done some cool things, hung out with some good people. Overall, it's been a wonderful summer. I really couldn't have asked for much more.

Most importantly, I'm preparing myself for my semester abroad. I found out where I'll be staying and who my host family (or host mom, perhaps) is. Although I'm further from the "heart" of East Berlin than I had hoped, I'm glad to still be in the city. Heck, I'm glad to be going abroad at all! These are just minor details, but of course I would stress over them.

This is where I will be from Late August to right before Christmas. Don't stalk me, now. But send me mail if you'd like!
View Larger Map

Internship @ APLA, update 1

2009-06-09T23:31:00.001-04:00

I have officially started my summer internship at AIDS Project Los Angeles, the largest AIDS organization in the greater LA area. I work in the Community-Based Research (CBR) department, which is a program under the general umbrella of public health education. I work with Bryce and Tara, who are the study coordinators. Some of the studies that we are currently working on deal with the efficacy of treatment advocacy programs, perceptions of "sex drugs" (drugs that are highly correlated with sex, such as alcohol and meth), and social networks of men who have sex with men (msm) and its relationship to HIV risk.

Thus far, I would consider myself a pretty productive intern. I've done mostly database work, coding surveys and interviews, updated the references library extensively, and conducted some literature searches. Tomorrow, I will be learning proper protocol to contact physicians and interview etiquette. On Thursday, I will be attending an important meeting that will determine the fate of the treatment advocacy program at APLA. Due to (surprise) funding cuts, some aspects of the organization are getting nixed, and Bryce thought it would be nice for me to sit in (and possibly hold signs!). This is a full-forced rally (in my mind it is, at least). Not sure what to expect, but excited.

Not Enough Wasted Time

2009-05-20T14:23:00.000-04:00

When I had too much time on the plane ride yesterday, caught between reading Monocle, doodling ugly drawings in my journal, and snacking on 100 calorie Oreo bits, I was contemplating this notion of expectation--why that we feel expected to do xyz. Especially after hanging out with newly graduated folks fresh out of college, the big question becomes: What now? What are they going to do now?

We are expected to figure out our lives after college and have a justification for our choices. Struggling to tackle this quarter-life crisis that has become too uncomfortably strange and familiar. I would have been the same way last year or even several months ago, but now I'm thinking twice. I don't want to be caught up in this constant cycle of expectation and fulfillment because it seems I'm searching for the wrong answers to the wrong questions. It's hard to break away from this path: the sooner we find job security, the sooner we have financial and social safety and comfort.

But what about exploration? The room for mistakes? If life's work should be about passion, I don't know if anyone can figure that out while juggling academics + etc. It's unfair that we are punished for not knowing. Maybe this is a bigger problem for tense people like myself, but I think all college students understand my concern more or less. The environment that produces this stress, the environment that requires internships every summer, a high GPA, stellar list of extracurriculars... what is it all for? I made the mistake once in high school, and overachieving isn't answering the bigger questions of life. I hate it but reluctantly oblige to it nonetheless.

I should be expected to enjoy summers and to take a breather. I really hope summer 2009 is that and more. I'm back home now, and I feel good. I want to waste time doing teenager things. Doing mundane things. Redecorating my room. Going to tons of concerts. Retail therapy. Coffee with friends. Catching up on tv series. Doing nothing--and loving it.

Obama Shoes?

2009-05-16T23:21:00.001-04:00

President Obama, you've become the muse of many artists over the past few years, including David Choe and Frank Shepard Fairey. On the flip, the image of your face has also been abused, and these shoes showcase it very well.
I don't care if these shoes are emblematic of change--they are quite heinous. Just like Crocs. And Uggs.
And for $39.99 a pair, that's offensive.

Doing Good(e)

2009-05-12T10:47:00.000-04:00

Of course, appropriate that GOOD blog would talk about ABC's new show, The Goode Family, a sitcom about environmentalism. The question to ask is: too soon? Have we gotten to the point where we can make fun of being politically correct yet? We shall see.

The clip looks pretty funny.
New buzz phrase? "WWAGD": what would Al Gore do?

Check out the blog post here and watch the video. I'm actually quite excited for it. Maybe I'll go from Gossip Girl to Goode-doers. Of course, while watching the Star Trek series from the beginning because the movie was that good.

---

In Pittsburgh right now. Saw TV on the Radio yesterday. Awesome. They rocked out in an old church.
Going to Falling Water right now, which I'm stoked for because I've always wanted to see it after learning about it in art history class.

peel, stick, rip.

2009-05-06T04:06:00.001-04:00

yesterday, i spent a good half hour taking strips of 3m wall tape off my posters. those suckers are quite misleading--sure they don't take off paint, but it doesn't cancel out the fact that they take off pieces of my posters.

some of my posters are old friends--paris&eiffel tower, beatles, james dean.
others are newly added acquaitances--marilyn monroe, japanese deer, absinthe goddess.

along the slanted slopes of my ceiling, these posters sat. and watched. collected dust. got ripped a couple times. but they remained.

the old friends are a little more tattered. but after the fight that took place yesterday, i would say my new acquaintances don't mind the external bruises.

each time i peeled off part of my poster, i winced. it didn't feel quite comfortable, but at the end of the day, i didn't really matter. the poster was still there. with each peel, i felt that a little part of me escape as well.

people prefer to be sponges, soaking in all the newness they can.
i prefer thinking that people are big blobs, and along the way pieces of you fall off, eventually forming a more defined silhouette, ready to be scratched up some more.

right now, i sit like a big blob, albeit a tired/hungry/in disbelief blob. everything is packed away, including the posters. each year they become more wrinkled with time, more faded by sun, they are packed away safely for eight months, and the cycle will then continue in 2010.

as i take a eight month break from duke, i'm excited to see what is in store. perhaps i'll bring some friends back to greet those barren walls.

notable quotables III

2009-05-01T11:58:00.001-04:00

"You look so fobby in your profile picture."
-jLeg in reference to my mullet hair.

"Asians are so hip"
-a highly confused jKun.

"Why don't you go and do something about it"
-aBeut's comment about my b**ching. very true indeed.

"Black is back."
"Yeah, they are. I didn't think it was ever out of style though..."

Two Pros One Con

2009-04-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

Pros:
-JAxt invited me over for dinner--chicken, mash potatoes, and salad. It was a nice break from school food.
-I ordered some purple jeans today. We'll see how well those fly.

Cons:
Never am I ever cramming a 10 page paper in one day again. I don't want to deal with it.

thoughts, spring 2009

2009-04-25T22:16:00.001-04:00

-i need to befriend my retainer again. if not, i will revert to crooked teeth, death cab style.
-i vow to wake up to lykke li for the rest of the year. she makes my heart sing.
-don't consume so many fermented beverages. spending the next day recovering is the worst idea ever. and i might get cancer. determine cost-benefit analysis of drinking before drinking (this is for jordan: three drink max)
-i need to start finding friends my own age or i'll be lonely by 21.
-neo-mullet haircuts can actually work.
-sleep is great for the body.
-stress is not.
-avoid perkins at all costs next next semester.
-cat videos are the best things to happen to me. kittens...inspired by, kittens!
-i survived after winterbreak's little surprise! and am stronger than i thought.
-being in the moment is a struggle; looking forward to the future is exciting, but don't forget to stop and enjoy the burger you're eating; the shower you're going to take; the friends you call for coffee breaks; people watching on the quad; the great weather (as of late); the mistakes and lessons to be learned; the battle scars that only make you better (and more badass); the realization that you're only twenty once in your life, so make it worthwhile.
-college goes by too fast to grasp onto anything significant, but too slow for it to be fun sometimes... it's up to me to find the happy medium.

Drug Policy

2009-03-18T14:30:00.000-04:00

Check out this entertaining and informative video.
It seems as if the war against drugs might just be a war against drug users. Unfair, right?

http://www.soros.org/initiatives/drugpolicy/multimedia/drugreport_20090303?clickthrough_drugreport=20090318

The Lesser-Known Uyghurs of Xinjiang

2009-03-03T23:51:00.000-05:00

I went to a lecture today by U. of Michigan professor Douglas Northrop. he discussed the issue of transborder politics and the effect of imperialism in Central Asia. We centered our understanding of identity formation on the Uyghurs of Xinjiang. They are an ethnic minority belong of Turkish origins, and the injustices brought upon the minorities are comparable to those discussed (and rumored) by the Chinese mistreatment of the Tibetans.

Yet, I have not heard anything about the Uyghurs until today. That is unfortunate. They were in the news last week (link to the LA times post) because people are urging for the freeing of 17 Uyghur detainees at Guantanamo.

It's an interesting perspective on yet another part of China that I had no understanding or knowledge of. Here's more reading on them if you're interested.

I'll post more thoughts about this soon.

Word for word, people for word, elephant for word...

2009-03-03T23:22:00.000-05:00

I hope to one day have a word named after me. Maybe it would be "juice: to be constant butt of jokes. Example: He was quite juiced today." (note: juice is one of my many nicknames. long story)

Until then, you can read about other examples of such a phenomena.

This is why I hate Ticketmaster

2009-03-03T09:19:00.001-05:00

Just click on photo. I suck at formatting.

Pay-For-Performance

2009-02-25T01:53:00.000-05:00

One way that people have been talking about improving the health care system is through providing a pay-for-performance incentive to physicians.
Here is a digestible article from NYT that discusses the lack of studies done on quantitatively and qualitatively weighing the costs and benefits of the actual P-for-P deal. The model works well in firms and corporate companies, but does it translate well to the medical field and public health? There's the fear that such initiatives will put a rift in patient-doctor relationship (which is already pretty sucky). From the article:

Even more concerning, however, are the unintended consequences that some of these studies have uncovered. Some pay-for-performance plans have resulted in increased administrative costs. Certain physicians and hospitals have found ways to “work” the system, avoiding patients who require more costly care or who skew quality records and exaggerating the severity of patient status in order to document the kind of dramatic improvement that might result in a bonus.

Printed Blog?

2009-02-23T20:41:00.000-05:00

Check out an interesting article about the startup, The Printed Blog, that is essentially putting blogs into print form for free. How sustainable is it? Hard to tell since it's inaugural issue hit less than a month ago. Definitely another interesting spin for print media in an increasingly digitized world.

2009-02-09T04:05:00.001-05:00

two months into the year 2009,
two months of not blogging,
i know people are missing me.

thus, to appease all my worldwide followers (read: three of my friends with too much time on their hand) i'm leaving this little note.

//current contemplations:

getting through school.
-Microeconomic policy tools
-Discourse of Disease (the class is as vague as it sounds)
-Comparative Approaches to International Studies
-Chinese 136 (read: the bane of my existence)

enjoying the better weather. basking in sleep. dreaming more.
hanging out with the lovelies that have come back from abroad.

feeling more confused than ever (read: spending way too much time thinking about my life. but as charles saadeh reminded me this morning, everything is insignificant. you just need to find ways to keep yourself happy)

learning to not stress (whatever that means). probably the hardest of them all.

day at a time. fighting restlessness.

growing in my capacity to love more than just myself.

my sanity. strung loosely. jc keeps it in place.

//future fuss:

going home for the summer. apparently the dry california weather will do me some good. i'm thinking more like a tan will do me more.

(i'm thinking about) berlin for the fall. yes, i don't know german. yes, i'm going to learn some.
ish liba dish.

that's all for now.

note: notable quotables will return shortly.

notable quotables II

2008-12-15T00:43:00.000-05:00

"I feel like I'm listening to robots jumping on a trampoline."
-Nate Dawg describing Hot Chip's "Ready for the Floor"

"Jessie, I'm not stressed. I don't give a shit. It's done...but next semester, I'm going to sit in the front row of classes, take notes, and not fall asleep!!!! I'm going to do it!"
-drunken Alex after finals

"Who the fuck has finals on Sunday?"
-everyone who doesn't go to school with me

"I don't like people enough."
-Baishi complaining about not hanging out with enough people, but realizing...

"Why the long face?"
-Baishi's pun about my facial structure. go figure.

almost back to this place.

i miss this.

2008-12-06T21:48:00.001-05:00

notable quotables

2008-12-01T14:03:00.001-05:00

"jessie, if china takes over the world, can i come live with you?"
-nicole g.

"oral histories are just an excuse to get together with people you admire without it being creepy"
-gordon mantler + class

"you think i'm so dumb, jessie. i hear it in your voice"
- implied by adam sap.

(looking through photos) "oh my god! JC is indie!?"
- adam sap take two.

"i've always wanted to be indie, but i thought you had to be skinny!!"
- dj

(note: i'm officially the dumbest person ever. i just figured out today how to change the font size and color of text. all i had to do was click "compose" instead of "html" on blogger. hence, my experimentation with today's post. it's rocking my world. congrats, jessie tang)

Common Courtesy

2008-11-24T16:49:00.000-05:00

For the most part, I try to stay as friendly as possible with customer service personnel. I really do. I say "thank you" a lot, I attempt to ooze every last bit of reluctant warmth I have into my phone conversation. I even wish them a good day back.
That being said, I hate it when Travelocity/Delta screws up my flight. yet again. forcing me to stay on the phone with them for an unnecessary half hour.
Why would they change my flight from something that made sense to something that didn't make sense? How can I depart Salt Lake at 4:30 p.m. and get to Atlanta at 10:00 p.m. when the connection flight in Atlanta leaves at 7:00 p.m.? Whyyyyyy?
Fortunately, the customer service guy on the phone from (you guessed it) India was super friendly. But at one point, I caught myself getting frustrated and basically asking them why the F--- they would change a correct flight to an incorrect flight. He then promptly reminded me that it was Delta who changed it, not Travelocity, and he was only here to facilitate me.
That made me feel really bad. Even though I know it's not the poor guy on the other line's fault that my flight got messed up, I held him personally accountable. I latched onto him as my emblem of despair. In my mind, he was the exact person who flung this entropy at me. Oops.
This was a friendly reminder to myself of the fact that I should not hold grudges against customer service representatives because really, they had nothing to do with the shitty service their--or other--companies provide. They are just the one responsible for fixing all the damn problems.
My apologizes, guy in India. I hope you're reading this.

P/C 2

2008-11-17T09:53:00.001-05:00

Pro//:
Lovely weather--a tad chilly. Comfortable. Sun warming my face.
Almost Thanksgiving--the long haul is almost over.

Con//:
Fires in Diamond Bar--pray for everyone's safety and health.
Sleeping at 6 a.m.--my new bed time? Gosh I hope not.

My love for long dashes--simply wonderful.

Currently listening to: Sia "Electric Bird" && Culture Reject "Beach"

Pros & Cons

2008-11-12T10:22:00.000-05:00

As I told JChorng the other day, I'm going to start (somewhat) daily blog updates with a list of pros and cons. At first it was going to be two pros and one con, but this week is sucking so much it should just be all cons.

Cons:
-Officially lactose intolerant. Can't believe 90 to 100 percent of Asian-Americans are. "Common symptoms, which range from mild to severe, include nausea, cramps, bloating, gas, and diarrhea." Let's just say I experienced four out of five of those symptoms. Couldn't go to bed. Woke up queasy. I can't believe Ben&Jerrys and brie would do this to me!! I love cheese...
-Failed PubPol. More of a disappointment to myself more than anything else.
-Overwhelmed. Seriously considered dropping out of school yesterday. Legit.
-Missing the fam&&friends.

Pros (trying my hardest to dig for them):
-A wonderful weekend behind me. Thanksgiving ahead.
-It's Wed! Getting over the hump...
-Sister sent me the cutest e-mail. Apparently, middle school in the 21st century is too different that I won't be able to understand it. Fact: I went to middle school in the 21st century. My sister has got it wrong!! But I guess I didn't see kids smoking in the bathroom or making out at parties, so she wins.
-Wonderful friends (JAxt, LPowers, VLella) who have got my back all the time.

Best part of 11/11: Finding out Jordan doesn't type with his thumbs. New nickname: JAxt, the thumbless typing boy wonder.

Eno River. 11/8/08

Drip Drop

2008-10-26T00:02:00.000-04:00

Listening to Rain (Bishop Allen)

Courtesy of JAxt for introducing me to them. I really like them and will be seeing them next weekend. Got to interview Justin Rice a couple days ago. The interview log will be up shortly on the recess blog. But this song is very fitting for the weather and of...life I suppose.

oh let the rain fall down
and wash this world away
oh let the sky be grey
cause if its ever gonna get any better
its gotta get worse for a day

Recap

2008-10-14T15:48:00.000-04:00

1) Just came back from D.C. It was quite enjoyable albeit cramped sleeplessness, but that was also an experience in and of itself. We performed at a couple different homeless shelters, and people were receptive to our songs and message.
As for the downtime, the core topic of the trip revolved around relationships because two of the girls in the group were going through heartache. That really got my mind spinning about tons of stuff, stuff that make me more more affirmed and similarly weary. Some comments were made in a tone that resonated with why I'm turned off by Christianity sometimes. Condescending, one-sided, closed. It extended too far into uncomfortable territory to which I kept my mouth shut for the most part. I generally give people the respect of listening to their ideas, but it is unfortunate when that same is not reciprocated because they are too stuck to think otherwise. This was probably why I wasn't feeling the best upon returning from the trip, but all is well now. I was just slightly baffled.

2) On a more superficial note, I have been cleaning my room, and I can't believe how much clothes I have. I'm bleeding a little inside. I could probably go two to three months without wearing a new top, a month or two without recycling bottoms...it's basically torturing me as to why I still feel the need to shop. shoot me please.

3) Bike riding is fun...when one is not out of shape. Lesson learned: I need to to exercise more. Riding to work should not make me out of breath.

ratatatatatat. at.

2008-09-30T02:38:00.000-04:00

e*rock

ratatat

foundations

2008-09-05T21:25:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_s0rMQHBu7E&feature=related
an acoustic version of the song that is worth checking out. precious.

sorry for the blog hiatus. life is just hectic right now, but in a good way.
can't help but keep myself busy.

It's all good in the hood

2008-08-04T12:52:00.000-04:00

Just woke up. Opened the window next to my bed. Weather is brisk.
Portland is definitely a change of pace from NY.
Can't believe my summer is coming to a close, but I can't say it hasn't been good.
I feel like too much has happened since the last post, but I'll try my best to fill in the gaps.
currently: playing with my little cousins.
next post: coney island, siren, etc.
song tribute to alex beutel because it's what he's into: Dirty Sanchez - Fucking On The Dance Floor

Deerhoof

2008-07-19T11:30:00.000-04:00

recap: hung out with the infamous alice finally. and by infamous, i mean one of the sweetest people i've ever met. v, you did well on this one. our blind date went outrageously well.

ate some sushi. the owner/manager of the restaurant was cantonese. whipped out my bilingual skills to impress...him. he went on this rant about how the world has too many issues, but you can't blame them on one particular group or person.
alice's response to him: "but sometimes, you can..." that made me laugh.

went to see deerhoof. metropolic ensemble preceded them, and the entire time it was as if i were in a futuristic video game, the aliens were coming, and space odyssey was dawning upon us. plus, the shrieking noises just sucked.

and then...deerhoof. let me just say that they are worth seeing live. it makes me appreciate their music that much more. the drummer is a true prodigy--he played so hard the drum sticks broke at one point. the dissonance and tension felt so tangible and the energy built up made me want to go rock out with all the other long-haired stoners in the front.
the lead singer really is a small japanese lady. too cute for words. killed me every time she jumped up and did this kick move.
sidenote: watching people bob their heads in unison was a awwwwesome.

plans for today: siren. then whatever. stoked.

Metropolis Ensemble.

(they weren't that great)

(haha, i dont' think she'd like this photo)

prospect park

deerhoof, take one.

the drummer has trouble speaking. he spoke. like this. and paused. because he couldn't. put. his thoughts. together. but he's just so caught up with the drumming that it didn't really matter. went to add to their persona.

lalalalalala. incomprehensible english and japanese.

yummy.

Meet me, meet me, over the mountain
Meet me, meet me, under the ocean
Cry out, cry out
(The Perfect Me)

Get in the sunrise, I want to get in the sunrise

2008-07-17T11:33:00.000-04:00

mmmmmmmmm, yeasayer.
"Middle Eastern-psych-snap-gospel"

why won't i be here when they come.

The Natives Will Get It

2008-07-16T17:01:00.000-04:00

Direct quote from the loony maintenance man today (we'll call him Bob). Bob called the Russians students at the graduate institute that I work at "debutantes walking around with their cupcakes." Bob was frustrated by the mess they made today. Bob thought they should eat their cupcakes near the dirt. Bob was talking to himself. Bob also said...
"The Natives Will Get It."

sidenote: I'm quite positive he told me last week, "If you were a native, you would wear your shoes."
fact: I had my flip flops next to me.
fact: I was sitting at my desk.
fact: I slipped them off because I was sitting.
fact: he had also said I was a horrible person at some point because of the shoe incident.
question: I don't look like a native?
conclusion: He thinks I'm "foreign," with no notions of American values and courtesy. Shame on me.
further conclusion: He made a racist comment.

But since he is a little off-the-wall, I'll forgive him.

I forgive you Bob. Thanks for making my days here so entertaining.

what i do at work.

2008-07-10T14:03:00.000-04:00

Office Conversation, 1

2008-07-10T11:01:00.000-04:00

Girl: "I'm so sad I can't buy clothes here for two dollars."
B: "It's New York."
G: "I can get it for $2 in Georgia!"
B: "But you don't go to Georgia that often."
G: "I don't care! I'm just saying."
B: "Yeah, you're a bargain hunter. Me too, but it's hard to find clothes in my size."
G: "You could find stuff at Ross"
B: "You want to take me shopping one day?"
G: "No, because you're a man and I'm a woman."
B: "So we can't go shopping together?"
G: "No."
B: "So if we were girl friends, you would take me shopping?"
G: "Maybe."
B: "I don't understand."
G: "You're a guy and I'm a woman. Guys should pay for everything. That's why you work."
B: "No...why do guys make money? To provide for their families."
G: "Yeah. That's true."
B: "But I'm not family. I'm just a friend."
G: "Still. Why do you think you drive a BMW?"
B: "Because..."
G: "Because you want to impress the ladies. That's it."
......
same G: "It looks like you party a lot."
same B: "Why do you say that? You're so judgmental."
G: "It looks like you party in Brooklyn."
B: "Why do you say that?"
G: "You just have that look."
B: "Actually, I don't. Just because I live in Brooklyn, doesn't mean I party there. I actually don't party anymore...I go to a lot of networking events."
G: "Ughhhhhh, don't use that term with me. I hate it."
B: "What? Networking events?"
G: "Yes."
B: "Fine...events."
.......

I know my ABCs, part II

2008-07-07T00:57:00.000-04:00

L is for love. Ah yes, the dreaded four-letter word that my friends and I always inevitably start talking about when sad/depressed/hopelessly romantic (basically, all the time). However, I would like to speak of L-O-V-E in a different sense right now.
For example, my love for the dance persuasion. My love for drunken dribble. My love for horrible Borat impressions that I left in SoCal (thank goodness for everyone). My love for late-night coffee. My love for Nine Stories. My love for the Hipsters, both in a loathing yet embracing sense. My love for the comfortable spinning and lulling that comes with drinking, when I rest my head and feel thoughts dancing because my body is too tired to do the dancing itself.

M is for Money. Fuck not having money. Worst of all, Fuck having a slight amount of money in the bank and fooling myself into thinking I HAVE money (when I don't). Fuck credit cards and how much a few swipes add up; internships that don't pay; college tuition that is beyond my control; the driving force wedging happiness and satisfaction further and further away.

N is for the things I'm excited about that are New. New York. the New Yorker. New people. New clothes. New blog entries. New friends on facebook. New music. New relationships with People. New scabs. New favorite phrases.

O is for wanting to be Old. True, the grass is always greener on the other side and I'm going to want to be 20 once I hit 27, but for now I don't see much use in being in this lame passover phase. Yeah, college is fun...but the "real world" is funner, in theory. 19 is great, but 22 is greater.

P is for Patience. Wish I had more of it, and I'm starting to respect people who have it (Elly would get this one...)

Q is for the worst letter to have in Scrabbulous.

R is for rambling, because I do so much of it, and people somehow can stand it.

S is for symbolism. Do you not agree that everything is symbolic in nature, one way or another? If one is true to their intentions, everything they do, say, think reflects those desires. Hence symbolic. Hence me reading into everything even though I tell people not to read into everything I do. But that could be symbolic of my personality...you decide.

T is for Tang. For those that don't know, I'm actually supposed to be Jessie Chen. So glad it isn't because I would be even more common on facebook. Tang is way cooler anyways, for the reason that I get cooler nicknames. The appeal probably ends there.

U is for Urban. It wins over Southern hospitality, over the Suburbs, over...the not-Urban.
C'mon, Urban Outfitters. Urban Dictionary. Urban Legends. Only the best things in life are worthy of being Urban.

V is for visceral. A word I love because it sounds great. I want to be more visceral, and I want to be less visceral, all at the same time. Hopefully that makes sense.

W is for Webster Hall. The four-story dances. The Friday-night Amateur Strip Tease. The old creeps that lurk in the dark and take any opportunity they get to flash that priceless, pedophile smile. The trance music that made me take off my shoes and jump around. The discovery that Elly and I have the same taste in guys and are one-in-the-same in too many ways. The boy in stripes. The boy in plaid. The cheap-ass $4 shots drunken from plastic cups I use during Communion (a little blasphemous).

X is for Xtreme. I would like to live life to the Xtreme.

Y is yummy. Yummy $42 lunches. Yummy Asian fusion...I can't get enough of it here. Yummy coffee. Yummy lindor truffles. Yummy is a yummy word. Now say that 10 times fast. Now I feel like having gummy bears.

Z is for the Zoo. Life is a zoo and I'm just peering into each cage, figuring out whether I like the lions or the parrots more.

So apparently...

2008-07-02T10:45:00.001-04:00

I need to write in a more academic tone.

Only 8% of the world's energy reserves are owned by international energy companies. The other 80% are owned by national governments and national corporations. The United States is sincerely and utterly fucked.

Attempting to concentrate for five hours straight is incredibly difficult.

Yesterday was a blessing in disguise. Love my friends.

Jess

I know my ABCs, part I

2008-06-25T02:14:00.000-04:00

A is for academia and all of its lovely theoretical abstractions, where one sentence is supposed to be enough to preface all the chauvinistic BS contradictions that follow. That one sentence doesn't make the work anymore thoughtful or qualified.

B is for bathroom. Every time I step foot into a bathroom in NYC, I think to myself:
"Eight Million People Might Have Passed Through Here." Which leads me to think about

Contracting a plethora of unwanted STDs.

D is for my constant state of disillusionment as to waking up every morning and remembering I'm in NYC and that I'm having the time of my life.

E is for the elevators. The elevators at 92nd St Y (my home for the summer) are incredibly slow. The elevators in the subway are incredibly stank and wreak of urine. The Elevator Song is quite possibly the lamest thing created.

F is for facts. I love facts. I've been taking in a lot of facts this summer and here are a few from my readings.
Fact: 45% of the EU's budget is spent in agriculture, mostly payments to farmers. That's a $120 billion agriculture subsidy. That's sad.
Fact: America is a great place to get rich. Ratio between the earnings of a top tier American CEO and the average joe at a manufacturing company is 475:1. WTF.
Fact: Oxford commas are legit. I'm starting to like them. Sorry VW.

G is for golf and how 60 year-old-men should not try to pick up girls with the topic of golf because mentioning tiger woods and an invitation to drink wine in the same sentence just doesn't seem right.

H is for how I wish it were Hot. and not cold. and rainy. and not miserable.

I is for Ice Cream. FYI, NY has both Pink Berry and Yogurtlands now. Tasti-Ds is going to run out of business. Hip Hip Hooray for Globalization!

J is for June, Jessie, Juice and all the other wonderful things in life. Ha, shameless self promotion. P.S. It's my mom's birthday!

K is for Karaoke. Sad to say, but I think Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" is going to haunt me for the rest of my life, no matter where I am. Could of belted out Clumsy, Baish, but the American Idol-wannabes took too damn long.

TBC

Who Gives A Fuck About the Oxford Comma? Clearly, the kids who sat through a thunderstorm.

2008-06-19T00:24:00.001-04:00

photos are out of order, but it goes as follows:
nice day at park. pictures at the pond, baishi with alice & friends, real lady statue.
crowded at the park. oh shit, rain at the park.
more rain. wetness. lots of wetness. no umbrella. baishi strips.
(note: in the large crowd photos, you can spot me and baishi in the distance...we purposely did this to create the allusion to Where's Waldo. Find us.)
running in the rain with the mob. crossing the stress with the mob.
rain dies down. we're still wet.

the result: unforgettable day on how our quest to watch Kid Sister and Vampire Weekend took an unexpected turn toward chaos, drippiness, and some lovely pictures.

sunday morning, part tres

2008-06-08T13:02:00.000-04:00

trippy.
that's how i feel right now.
life goes in circles, but makes unexpected turns.
we go forward, we go backward. you see something different each time.
we go one place, we end up at another. but in the end, it really doesn't matter.
time passes, memories fade. new ones form.

my first week in nyc has been so much fun and i still don't understand how so many people fit into a 12-mile strip called manhattan; how the streets are still crowded at 3 am, how wandering aimlessly could be so exciting; how there are more restaurants than cars, more idiosyncrasies than truths; how debauchery takes on a whole new meaning, how debauchery comes to define you, how debauchery is expected; how i could have gone 19 years without coming here.

starting tomorrow, i'm going to start classes and work, so this week of exploration was good. i really couldn't have asked for anything more.

“One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as in five years.”
-Thomas Wolfe

“The present in New York is so powerful that the past is lost.”
-John Jay Chapman

I <3 NY

2008-06-04T15:08:00.000-04:00

greetings from the east coast.

i always introduced duke as on the "east coast." but it was essentially "the south" more than anything. it didn't have the sky-high buildings, the past-paced living, the OP (original prepsters) i have come to hate--and accept, of course.

right now, as i sit in my small double room, facing a window that peers into the muggy air that is suffocating with life, both unseen and seen, i am overwhelmed and empowered. i want to get up and do something. i want to get out there.
There: the vastless unknown.

everything in new york is more enhanced (read: on steroids)

the coffee is stronger.
the people talk louder. faster.
pedestrians walk quicker. impatiently. fearlessly, in front of moving cars. traffic signals are suggestions, not ultimatums.
stores are larger, brighter, more appealing.
buildings are taller, more majestic.
clothes are sharper, more fashionable, stiff--or nonchalant, whatever your style may be.
store personnel are less friendly. more annoyed.
there's more of everything--more restaurants, more starbucks (if that's possible), more energy, more honking, more materialism, more rich people, more homeless people, more awareness, more direction (or lack thereof).

however, people are nicer than i thought they would be. as i stood cluelessly looking at a large map of the subway system at 86th and lexington, a guy came up and asked me where i was going. i replied "i don't know yet." i just knew i wanted to go somewhere. so, we started talking. he'd been in nyc for 21 years now. he had a 20 year old son. he worked for the MTA, but landed the job unexpectedly and has been at it ever since. loves his job. loves life.

everything is unpredictable.

the strangest thing, though--he asked me if i was a journalist. i didn't say anything about me writing--all i had mentioned was i was majoring in public policy. i asked him how he knew.

"you're a good listener."

damn, people ARE more aware.

i traversed the downtown area, walking/looking/taking it all in.
went to borders and browsed through some NY books with places to hit up.
walked some more.
i wondered if i appeared to be an out-of-towner. wonder if they could tell.

i have orientation in 2 hours. till then, i'm working on internship stuff, listening to rilo kiley, and looking out into the ny scenery, wondering where the subway will take me next.

ROAR

2008-05-27T02:13:00.000-04:00

FACT: LAUREN SUCKS. BALLS.

FACT

2008-05-10T02:52:00.000-04:00

Fact: Being on the plane for 6 hours without an iPod is miserable.
Sad fact: Miley Cyrus was playing on repeat in my head for the entirety of the flight.
Sadder fact: I only knew half of the chorus.
Cute fact: I'm seeing Miley Cyrus tomorrow (along with Jonas Brothers, Flo Rida and Snoop Dogg) with my sister. She's 10. It's cute that we're going together.
Random Fact: My luggage was over 50 lbs.

Fact: I'm home.
Nostalgic fact: I'm going to miss freshman year and all the seniors who are leaving, the sophomores who are studying abroad, and the friends i won't see for four months.

Fact: Myrtle was so much fun.
Sad fact: I had too much fun at Spanish Gallion.
Sadder fact: Probably danced to Miley Cyrus one too many times at Myrtle.
Everyone knows this fact: The beach is amazing. Sunshine = happiness.
Depressing fact: it was the last big get together of the year.

Reality check fact: I'm uptight. Grades nauseate me.

What I'll miss most about freshman year...
Late night walks around East.
Complaining about the Marketplace.
Walking down the hall and hanging out with friends.
Studying in Blackwell, because GA wasn't nice enough to have study rooms.
Doing the soulja boy at parties.
Cliquing and being pretentious with recess (and by pretentious, I mean fabulous)
Wendy's.
Cosmic run at 2 am.
Napping on the GA bench.
Sleeping over in K-Ville.
Caribou. Regina. OK Go.
Singing Bob Marley across the quad.
Dancing like no one's watching.
Twisting my ankle from doing the two-step.
Coffee from Trinity.
Waking up with friends, going to class with friends, eating with friends, sleeping with the comfort of knowing that friends are nearby.
Staying up late, roaming the halls, and seeking adventures in every nook of the dorm.
Late night talks. Soul searching.
Being pampered for being the littlelist on campus.

Gatekeepter

Well its time to begin as the summer sets in
It's the scene you set for new lovers
You play your part painting it a new start
But each gate will open another
June July and August said,
"Its probably hard to plan ahead"
June July and August said,
"Its better to bask in each other"

Gatekeeper seasons wait for your nod
Gatekeeper you held your breath
Made the summer go on and on

Well they tried to stay in from the cold and wind
Making love and making dinner
Only to find that the love the grew in the summer
Froze

February April said
"Don't be fooled by that summer again"
February April said
"That half of the year, we'll never be friends"

Gatekeeper seasons wait for your nod
Gatekeeper you your breath and made winter go on and on
Gatekeeper Gate keeper Gate keeper
Seasons wait for your nod

Freshman year, you will be missed.

yes we can!

2008-04-29T22:11:00.001-04:00

panic. fret. panic panic.

2008-04-15T22:46:00.001-04:00

There are too many problems in the world.
I choose not to phrase it in a more eloquent way because there really is no other way to present this issue.

The issue is there exists too many issues.
The issue is these issues will never be fully resolved, and will remain issues for years, decades, centuries, millennia and light years to come.

Once you get me started on caring for the world, I find out more and more that I want to care for, but there's simply not enough time and manpower going into these enterprises. Maybe if everyone decided to drop out of their lofty jobs and turn full-time to nonprofits, it may be feasible. HOWEVER, if everyone became socially-conscious freaks with no jobs, who would pay for the NGOs? No one, because companies will go out of business, and money wouldn't circulate...(communism, anyone? i kid)

I went to a talk today concerning global health and its interplay with the environment. Global health is already a large enough in and of itself--people are starving, dying from curable diseases and drinking unsanitary water. Seems like a life-time's worth of work is cut out right?
Right....but wrong.
WRONG.
There's the relationship between global warming and disease, global warming and malnutrition, global warming and the decreasing supply of clean water. According to the Dean of the Nicholas School, water is going to the biggest issue facing the world in the coming generations.
The problem with global warming is it's too far into the future. Global health tackles more immediate causes where the impact can be quantifiably documented and tangibly seen. How about global warming? How much harm do I really cause when I take a drive in my car? In a society gripped by temporary satisfaction, global warming is something our grandchildren can take care of right? Have fun, Little Timmy. I hope you don't die from skin cancer.
So do we tackle global warming or global health? Kids 100 years from now or kids who are currently suffering? But, i'll probably find out tomorrow that computers radiate rays that cause cancer, or that eating meat will make your brain rot, and recycling actually causes evil aliens to abduct babies from homes.

How does one even begin to grapple with all the fractures of the world? On days like these, I want to drop out of school and start field work, doing something PRACTICAL with my time and energy.
Until I bring myself to ditch the comforts of college living, I shall study away, keeping in mind that in the end, someone needs to fix the issues. Even if they don't resolve overnight. It's worth the fight.

check it out.

2008-04-07T12:52:00.001-04:00

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/publications/reports/topten/

ingenuity

2008-04-07T01:07:00.000-04:00

i want to create something as incredible as the post-it. seriously, i don't understand what can top a handy pad of paper that allows you to jot a few notes down, and (wait...here comes the best part) it STICKS (ALMOST) EVERYWHERE. no residue--simple, affordable, life-saving. it reminds me to call my parents, go to e-print, and to eat (no joke, it's written on one of my yellow stickies...the reason remains unclear).

not only that, i want to create something that has changed the course of human language.
take the segway, for example. the other day, i unknowingly wrote the name for the two-wheeled devil instead of "segue," and it took me a while to recognize my mistake.
and doughnuts? pretty sure dunkin' donuts has forever lefts its mark on me because for all i'm concerned, donuts have no dough, but rather just dos. and don'ts. like, "don't eat too many donuts because you will feel a vomiting sensation." wait, that might have been the alcohol...

speaking of alcohol, people need to pace themselves. note to everyone: alcohol should be taken in moderation, even when it's free. and tasty. and even if it makes you melt away into blissful oblivion...
pacing is important.

so thankful my hell week is over, and i should probably sleep soon.

my anal to-do list:
read the bible
figure out other internships i could do
be super stoked about nyc for the rest of my life.
call parents. because i forgot to yesterday. and today. and now it's too late.

Rocking the Subpar

2008-03-29T12:47:00.000-04:00

1) I slept way too late last night, but it was for good reasons. Got to bond with our pre-frosh. She's so sweet and I would love for her to come, but secretly, I hope she gets into Princeton or Yale.
2) Having all the new blood here makes me feel so giddy...wise...old...young...all at the same time. Mostly, it saddens me that I won't ever be as naive and excited for anything in my life again. College has been great--it's a learning and growing process, but sometimes I wish I could hit "reverse" and start off all over again, just so I could experience the uncertainty and rush one more time. One more time...(daft punk continues)
3)I'm going to NYC for sure this summer! Excitement and elation doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. Honestly, I don't know how I feel because I don't know what to expect. I like being throw into things and just working from there. Can't wait.
4) Caribou Tuesday! asjdflajsldfkj;lasjdfljasldf
asldkfjlsajdf
askdfjl
in computer lingo: too overwhelmed with emotion to type anything coherent. Something I wish Recess had more commentaries on different social phenomenons. Hib's sandbox this week was pretty brill. In high school, we did spoofs on Myspace and emo and urban dictionary. It's not "academic" enough though. Totally understandable.
5) I'm ridiculously stressed right now. I need to finish a draft for my paper before 5, then I have to go sing 2 songs with Sapphire and spend the remaining 3 hours sitting and doing nothing. Absolutely awesome that we're opening and closing the show. After that, more work resumes: make up quiz monday (chinese), test tuesday (psy), test wed (chinese), memo thursday (pubpol).
roar.
6) I"m doing a lot of growing right now. Getting better at handling situations. Realizing that I really do enjoy my independence. And that I am slightly manipulative, with no harmful intentions though. I'm not perfect, but I'll work on it.
7) TBA

Sandy

2008-03-22T21:33:00.000-04:00

Now I'm divided
Like a flock of birds when excited
And picture circles in the sky
You can't believe me
Like all of the others who leave me
And feel their shapes across the aisle

Twirl things around us
And the shadows they left as they found us
Or running fingers through your hair
It's life that ended and the tracks that they left as they ascended
They'll picture circles in the air

Sometimes in her eyes I see forever
I can't believe what we've found
I know in time we'll be together
And now our love will make this sound

--Caribou

Obamarama

2008-03-19T21:53:00.000-04:00

Why is Barack Obama so captivating? Why is his voice so...silky, and calming, but all the while prominent?
I'm watching his speech on race for the second time, and it's still intriguing to listen to him.
True, all the things he says isn't anything new. The issue of race has been debated and acknowledged and abused and debated some more. Yeah, I know the issues that we currently face aren't all about race. Yeah, I know the presidency shouldn't be about race.
But somehow, he just packages it in a way that makes it concrete. Defined. Lifted up in the best manner possible. Obama is reassuring. I feel like if I giant wave were about to swallow me up, he could stand next to me and tell me everything is going to be ok, and I'd believe him.
It's this trust that people see in him that makes him such a great orator and leader. However, I'm still uncertain whether this trust will take us far enough. This hope, will it actually materialize into anything feasible and practical?
Practical vs visionary...
I'm still slightly undecided, but I think the practical is out of the question at this point (sorry hill, I thought you really might have had a chance earlier).
Oh well, what can I do?
We should just work with what we have and make the best of it.
Obama, don't fuck it up.
:)

The Milk of Human Kindness

2008-03-13T14:56:00.000-04:00

2:13 p.m.
In the dorm.
Just came back from a picnic lunch and casual lounging on the various dorm benches that proudly define the main quad (notice that I chose other people’s benches over my very own).
Sunglasses shade my eyes. Headphones in ears. Reading, for a bit, before it gets too hot and my perpetual headache wants to intensify and make life miserable again.
Note: perpetual headache is never going away. Perpetual headache fueled by my lack of sleep? Perhaps. My lack of caffeine? Could very well be. My quasi-addiction to Tylenol? Sure, why not. But maybe it’s just thinking too much? Oh, of course not. Me? Thinking too much? That’s absurd…
All I know is, it’s been a couple days and my brain feels inflamed. I wake up slightly unrefreshed, slightly tortured, wondering, in the slightest bit, what I need to go to get rid of you, headache. Maybe an Ode, to mark your victory and my defeat against you? Maybe I should just continue taking more painkillers. According to Brent, there’s nothing wrong with addiction to drugs (he was joking, but not really). For now, I’ll patiently wait it out. I have faith that you’ll soon die out.
….
But back to me lounging. It’s fabulous. Clear skies, light breeze, no humidity. I attempted to take a nap on the bench, but overheating perpetuated Headache.
There are probably 10 other people in my dorm: one RA that I’ve seen so far, the five boys who stayed to play WOW and stare at their computer screen (wait, that sounds like every other day for them…), my good friend Allie, the couple foreign exchange students…and that’s about it.
It’s funny sitting outside and watching people go by because you know they’re thinking the same thing I am: Boy, you look miserable.
One has their backpack on, trekking to the library; one is stepping out to see the sunlight once before entering back into his dorm for another 23.5 hours. There are people I’ve never seen before, people you think you know but probably don’t, the hall mate that you never talk to but should at some point so you can fill out the sheet our RA gave you, asking for a nice commentary on every 2nd floor GA girl. But not right now. I’m lounging, it’s spring break, and I don’t want to do anything.
….
My trip to Virginia Beach was really great. I performed my solo for the first time and it was awesome. I got to know the girls in my a cappella group a lot better. We played one too many rounds of Mafia, typecasted others during Superlatives (apparently I would mostly like be on a reality TV show, go streaking and again, be on Survivor), and just grew closer to God. This trip was a spiritual renewal for me. For the past couple months, I’ve been battling with Christianity and even religion within itself. It seems so ridiculous that millions of people are reading this book called the Bible and basing their entire life on it. Why this one book? For all anyone knows, it could have been written by some possessed cult-followers and then mass-distributed to people who were looking for something to cling onto. Who knows?
But religion is about more than believing the book and going to church—it’s about bringing out the better side of human nature. Christianity does that for me. I like the teachings, the way it explains compassion, love and sacrifice. I like that God allows me to screw up. I like the connection it draws with others. At the end of the day, it’s all faith. Religion touches upon human nature, the meaning of life, redemption…basically, all the bigger things people don’t like pondering about all day. Anything that brings out the better side of me is something to be happy and blessed for.
Right now, I’m just truly content with having such great friends and family. There’s nothing I really want to complain about because I know everything will work out.

That’s what I have been up to lately. I was even motivated to read the Bible at a coffee shop yesterday (after a little bit of High Fidelity, of course ☺).

Plans for the rest of today: Watching the Office, reading, dinnering/hookahing.
ToDo for rest of break: review art exhibit, figure out summer plans, clean room (more), research for writing class, call/catch up with people.

soothing

2008-02-29T01:48:00.001-05:00

I just like this photo. I like Warhol, despite what people think of his art. I'm not going to get into that discussion today. Anyways...
It's mellow. I want to be mellow yellow. It's something i'm working on. extreme highs and lows are pretty lame.

best part of tonight: sitting on the swing, bundled and hidden in my large coat, listening to Tiny Dancer and Across the Universe.

singing the blues

2008-02-26T21:37:00.000-05:00

for some reason, i have no motivation to do anything.
i'm slightly depressed, slightly restless, slightly lethargic, slightly unpumped for anything.
i'm listening to michelle branch (yeah, you heard me) but it's not doing much good for thy soul.
diagnosis: i need more sleep.
that's all.
afterthoughts: yuck is a weird word, but it describes how i feel very well as of now.

yuck hw. yuck memo. yuck work.

sunday morning, part 2

2008-02-24T12:49:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning, praise the dawning
Its just a restless feeling by my side
Early dawning, sunday morning
Its just the wasted years so close behind

Watch out, the worlds behind you
Theres always someone around you who will call
Its nothing at all

Sunday morning and Im falling
Ive got a feeling I dont want to know
Early dawning, sunday morning
Its all the streets you crossed, not so long ago

Watch out, the worlds behind you
Theres always someone around you who will call
Its nothing at all

Watch out, the worlds behind you
Theres always someone around you who will call
Its nothing at all

Sunday morning
Sunday morning
Sunday morning

-velvet underground

dispatch mismatch

2008-02-21T18:44:00.001-05:00

the title has no mean whatsoever. i'm just listening to dispatch right now and wanted a cute, rhyming title.
this week has been pretty chill--i'm thoroughly satisfied.
ran out of text messages.
nothing too interesting to say.
@ the loop. it's noisy.
i need to use the restroom, but i don't want to leave my laptop here unattended.
therefore, i will wait. hopefully my bladder won't explode like kepler's.
i really liked european history, i realized. europe is perhaps 100x more interesting than the united states. we just enjoy hyping things to the 1000th degree here. we're flashy, we're loud and we're obnoxious. yay america!
anyways, i should get some work done.
<3
jess

conceptual

2008-02-18T02:42:00.000-05:00

conceptual, conceptual.
dada.
life. and shit.
it's 244 am on monday morning. i'm tired, but my mind keeps drifting in and out of thought. most of them are lame and not worth repeating. the others are just plain stupid and not worth thinking about. basically, i'm going nowhere with this.
i miss my family, and it makes me sad that when we do talk, it's really brief and casual. it's not like we don't talk about stuff that's going on, but i always spare them the details because thye know i'm fine, blah blah. even if we didn't communicate that much at home, it was just the fact that we were all together and the presence of comfort was just there.
there.
and i'm here. and i don't know where i really am anymore. i just bumble around day to day, trying to make the best of things. yeah, i have fun. yeah, my friends are pretty great. yeah, i'm enjoying college. but the more i think about it, the more detached i feel. the more impersonal everything becomes. the more isolated and alone things get.
i love existential crises.
if one is defined by his or her experiences, i don't know what i'd consider myself to be, or not to be. generally, i'd like to think i'm making the most out of my time, but i always feel like i'm never doing enough. i guess even though you can jam pack your day full of shit, doesn't mean the shit don't stink.
this place of contentment should unfold itself soon. i'm in a cave and i need to see soon. please. plato, when the hell is it going to happen?
when the hell do people realize things just come together?
i have no idea.
i don't even know.
i think i don't like missing out on my family and friend's lives and i'm frustrated by not being able to do everything all at once. and satisfy all my deisres all at once. and not being able to say i'm here and there, all at once. and being able to smile at everything all at once.
that's it. i'm actually braindead now. good night. or good morning.

add-on

2008-02-14T21:38:00.000-05:00

to all my singles out there...i sympathize, empathize and empower you with...well, nothing really.
because, like most of you, i harbor bitter feelings towards this Hallmark holiday.
the most i can tell you is
next time.

haha, that's horrible. anyways, so glad this week is over. it's been horrendously tiring, unforgivingly life-sucking, the descriptions goes on and on...

i'm floating about, as usual. doing the ush (pronouced YOU-sh, short of usual).
food for thought: do you believe in chance, fate or none of the above?

all is full of love

2008-02-14T21:37:00.000-05:00

check it out.
Interracial duos find themselves in the minority - Recess

2007-12-30T06:30:00.000-05:00

i have poor circulation.
my left foot is slightly bigger than my right foot.
i enjoy a good chick flick, but my standards are high.
i spend 84.3% of my time worrying; the rest is spent wondering what i'd be worrying about or just creating more worry in my life.
i don't want to leave home so soon.
i care for my friends and family so much that it's a burden sometimes. i don't mind though.
i forgive and forget too easily.
i love to love.
i leaked tears for the first time in a long time today. and it wasn't from watching a movie.
i'm content for the most part, but i have a lot of figuring out to do.
yet, i'm leaving the figuring out part to God, faith, serendipity and good times.
To all the goods: good food, good friends, good memories (past and in the making), good health, good conscience.

it's almost the new year, and i have yet to make resolutions. maybe soon? who knows.

the best homecoming ever.

2007-11-21T04:25:00.000-05:00

Wow.
It seems too surreal to put into words or utterances or feelings, really. It's just, amazing.
It's so good to be back home.
After being at the airport for an ungodly number of hours, completing 1.5 hard-level sudokus, reading 100 pages of a book, I'm finally back in great ol' suburbia, (DB!) in my house (which feels foreign, strange, familiar and more like home than ever before), in my room (that my mom has cleaned while I was gone), on my bed (no more twin size for 4 days!), in my old gym shorts, surrounding by nostalgia, comfort and a smell that I still remember.
Nothing has changed, really. My parents are doing well, my little sister is still the best little sister in the world, my room arrangement is fairly untouched. But there are subtitles: my sister seems more mature, if that even possible. Even in the way she carries herself and respond. I was really freaking out that my sister was just watching T.V. all day, surfing YouTube and allowing her brain to rot in this MTV-reality-show-no-substance crap that has defined our generation. But no. She seems...more knowledgeable. More understanding. As hard as it was to move 3000 miles away from home, in the back of my mind, I knew it would do my sister, and probably the family, some good if I left. Now, Joyce has to be self-sufficient and learn things the hard way--the better way. I don't have to peek over her shoulder to watch her every move because she can think for herself now. I'll always be her and she knows that. But I think we are both benefiting. I can now rest assured that my sister is doing well and is happy :)
As for my parents, couldn't have been happier to see my mom walk through the gate today (she just came back from a business trip). I thought it would be slightly awkward or really emotional, but it wasn't, really. Things seemed to pick off where I left them, that day in August when I left. Time has gone by, but I am no stranger to my home, and I don't want to be. Ever. But that day will come. Family is that much more of a bonding glue now. It's why I'm so lucky and so blessed. They give me my freedom, but at the same time always encourage me to be active. I miss this, but not I appreciate it more.
As for now, I'm so stoked to see my friends and let everything just settle into my gut.
Here's to good food, good times, a good Thanksgiving and good moments.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

i wanna....

2007-11-18T20:33:00.000-05:00

go home already!
i've spent the entire day being lazy and bumbling around.
i got a lot of new music from alex, so that should keep me entertained for awhile.
jay-z's grey album is so good!
i'm off to the library, or somewhere else other than my room,
so i can concentrate without the distractions of my laptop.

jess

You're moving too fast for me...

2007-11-17T00:47:00.000-05:00

I had a really great time tonight. I went to dinner with some hallmates to the Jewish Freeman Center and had this awesome Thanksgiving dinner with lots of food, fun and manishevitz. Afterwards Eric, Alex, Doug and Kiley trekked back to the bus stop and we went to watch "Once" at the BC.
It was really simple and so bittersweet. I use that word, "bittersweet" a lot, but it seems to define so many things in life. Nothing is ever one-sided; there's always a part that remains imperfect or slightly undesirable, but it makes the extreme cases that much better (or less worse because you came to expect it already). Once is a "musical," but in the most unconventional sense. It's based around the life of a nameless struggling artist who ends up befriend a nameless woman. They have instant chemistry, but we find out he has been coping with his past love for a very long time and the girl is still married. However, they work together to get him a record deal and record some of his tracks. The songs are a part of the movie. It's at the core, the essence of the film because their relationship and the struggles of life are spoken through the songs. The two bond with others through the music. They experience each other's pains through the lonely piano chords and strums of the guitar. I won't say the movie had a happy ending, because it didn't, but I was content now that I look back, because they had each other for a while, and they'll always remember the moments. The little things. They had that shoulder to lean on, that person to lend them their CD player, to fix their vacuum, to push them to become a better person. It's so nice to be reminded that love, friendship and simple pleasures will always be the core of our existence. haha, i even bought the CD off of iTunes. kill me.
I'm stressed for econ and the paper, but i don't feel like studying. fudgenut.
deep breath.
love,
Jess

It all comes to an end

2007-11-12T14:38:00.000-05:00

I'm not too sure why, but I'm in such a good mood today. Despite the fact that I woke up at 6:40 a.m. for registration (blah) and took a Chinese test (went decently well), I'm just looking on the bright side of things. I'm super stoked to take classes next semester because they're actually classes that I want to take. So in that sense, I want the semester to end. Soon.
However, on a sadder note, I went to my last Durham Nativity School teaching session today and I'm more depressed than I thought I would be. I really enjoyed the class and even though the class didn't accomplish as much as I thought we would, the kids were so open to sharing and we just had really fun discussions and it's so great to have these kids look up to you. Plus, I think the group is really good at promoting Prospective Health Care now. Gah, I miss DNS already.
I'll post pictures later.
I need to study some more Econ (which I'm getting into now that I have the time to actually sit down and read) and I promised myself this week was all work, so I'm going to stick to that agenda. Damn it, I don't mean agenda. I mean...Whatever, I'm studying. Toodles.
JT

Sunday Morning...

2007-11-11T16:36:00.000-05:00

Oh boy.
The laziest day of the week. And yet, there's so much work to be done.
Last night I went with my friend Agnes to see the Harlem Classical Theater's rendition of "Romeo and Juliet." Although my first impression of the show was that it was going to be a ghetto-fied version of the Shakespearean classic, it turned out to be much more than that. It was refreshing, to say the least; it was definitely colorful, fun, vibrant, words that usually don't come to my mind when I'm thinking about Shakespeare. I think I've forgotten the essence of Shakespeare's work: it was written for the common people. "Romeo and Juliet" is full of sexual innuendos and racy scenes that I often forget about as I'm trying to break down every bit of metaphoric prose that alludes to death. There was one scene where Mercutio "skeets" on the audiences members by way of a watergun. It was definitely raunchy, but the cast members stated it was nothing that modern teenagers wouldn't do. Everything that was brought up in the play was suitable to the extent that it didn't cross the line because there shouldn't be a line. One cast member said answering a woman's question, "if that's your line, then you should reexamine it." It was one of the best answers I've heard in a long time. Not afraid to be bold.
I went out with my hallmates last night to my friend Eric's party; it was fun. Danced, danced, danced. People got plastered. What else is new?
But now, it's Sunday. I have to work.
Boo.

Oh my.

2007-11-10T16:42:00.000-05:00

I did it.

I created a blog.

Call it self-indulgement, call it a form of venting, but I did it.

I'm not too sure why I finally decided to take the 2 minutes to finish up the registration process (apparently I've signed on before), but I think venting and self-glorification can be fun.

I've also realized how much I love writing (because somehow I forget...). I may not be the very best at it, but I love it, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving it. Maybe that's why I've been feeling so frustrated about nothing lately. Because I haven't really been able to put my thoughts down on paper and sort through the piles of crap that lay in my head and just sit and come up once in a while to haunt me and make me feel completely overwhelmed and pathetic.

Or I think a better reason is I went to a Chronicle Alumni Open House/Workshop and I realized how planning my life away is not a good idea. At all. I need to stop. Don't get me wrong--I'll still have days where I stress out, but as to what I want out of "life," I'm going to leave that up to time, mistakes and chance. I'm going to place faith in the unknown and just have a great time while I can. I wish I realized this a long time ago (aka since the beginning of time) and though I've come a long way, I still have a lot to learn, a lot to experience, and a lot to bitch about, so why should I lock myself into a set agenda?

So here's to blogging, and expect a lot more to come.

Jess

Tenative To-Do List (not an anal one, I swear):
-learn some html so I can spruce this up
-stress out less, because maybe then my back won't feel like a solid brick wall
-sleep more, but that's relative
-sing more, because I think more people need to listen to me while I shower