conceptual, conceptual.
life. and shit.
it's 244 am on monday morning. i'm tired, but my mind keeps drifting in and out of thought. most of them are lame and not worth repeating. the others are just plain stupid and not worth thinking about. basically, i'm going nowhere with this.
i miss my family, and it makes me sad that when we do talk, it's really brief and casual. it's not like we don't talk about stuff that's going on, but i always spare them the details because thye know i'm fine, blah blah. even if we didn't communicate that much at home, it was just the fact that we were all together and the presence of comfort was just there.
and i'm here. and i don't know where i really am anymore. i just bumble around day to day, trying to make the best of things. yeah, i have fun. yeah, my friends are pretty great. yeah, i'm enjoying college. but the more i think about it, the more detached i feel. the more impersonal everything becomes. the more isolated and alone things get.
i love existential crises.
if one is defined by his or her experiences, i don't know what i'd consider myself to be, or not to be. generally, i'd like to think i'm making the most out of my time, but i always feel like i'm never doing enough. i guess even though you can jam pack your day full of shit, doesn't mean the shit don't stink.
this place of contentment should unfold itself soon. i'm in a cave and i need to see soon. please. plato, when the hell is it going to happen?
when the hell do people realize things just come together?
i have no idea.
i don't even know.
i think i don't like missing out on my family and friend's lives and i'm frustrated by not being able to do everything all at once. and satisfy all my deisres all at once. and not being able to say i'm here and there, all at once. and being able to smile at everything all at once.
that's it. i'm actually braindead now. good night. or good morning.

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